we do what we must (because we can)

[biohazardgirl]

Title: we do what we must (because we can)
Username: biohazardgirl 
Length/size: 2500 words
Rating: R
Warnings, kinks & contents: mild gore, dark themes, death of minor characters, murder, disturbing attitudes towards corpses, AU, dubious science
Author's/artist's notes: Many thanks to anonymouslyyours  for being the best sounding board a person could ask for, insanenoodlyguy  for making sure I made sense within the confines of the Portal 'verse, ammorgan21 for beta'ing and britpicking, and Angela for reading this and encouraging me, even though she only understood about half of what I was talking about.
Summary/description: Fusion with Portal: The only thing Molly can remember is her life as a lab rat, but that doesn't mean that she's never been anything else. Molly Hooper/James Moriarty. Written for the sherlockbbc August commfest.
 

"Welcome to the Aperture Science computer-aided Enrichment Centre. We hope your brief detention in the relaxation vault has been a pleasant one."

Molly's eyes flutter open at the sound of the familiar voice. She slides off of the bed she is lying on, and waits by the front wall for the voice to speak again.

"Your specimen has been processed and we are now ready to begin the test proper. Before we start, however, keep in mind that although fun and learning are the primary goals of the enrichment centre activities, serious injuries may occur. Stand back. The portal will open in three, two, one."

In front of her, a glowing blue hole opens in the wall. Molly quirks a smile as she watches herself step out of an orange portal a few metres away; she's used to how the portals work by now, but she still hasn't quite lost her sense of wonder about them. 

"Excellent. Please proceed into the chamberlock after completing each test."

Molly doesn't need to be told twice; she's already off running into the darkened corridor ahead. 

***

There is a city scanner in Chamber Three, and Molly can't figure out why. The scanner is trailing along at her ankles, chirruping and whirring and tapping at her shins. Molly side-eyes it a bit at first, fearful that it might be dangerous, but quickly adapts to ignoring it; she assumes that it's a defective camera, and allows it to shadow her through the chamber.
However, when Molly completes her task, the scanner, for some reason, doesn't stay in the chamber. Instead, it sidles up close to her in the chamberlock and waits with her for the next one. It whistles happily while waiting. Molly tries not to think of the robot as cute; often the cheeriest robots in the testing sites end up being the most deadly, and she doesn't want to become fond of something that might end up trying to kill her. When she leaves the chamberlock, the scanner does as well; Molly is entirely flummoxed.

"Is this supposed to be here?" she yells towards the ceiling. "Why is this following me? Is this some sort of new variable for the test?"

The voice doesn't answer her question, but merely says,

"Welcome to Test Chamber Four."

***

In Chamber Eight, Molly begins devising ways to destroy the city scanner; it hasn't left her side for one minute since it started dogging her in Chamber Three, and she's worried that it might be filming her in order to be able to attack her effectively in the imminent future.
The first way Molly tries to destroy the scanner is by dumping it into the toxic waste on the floor of Chamber Eight. It doesn't work; the scanner emerges from the waste slightly melted and smelling terrible, but still as cheery and insistent as ever.

In Chamber Eleven, she uses it as a shield against an incoming orange energy ball; it's an effective shield, so much so that the scanner continues to be perfectly fine after being shot at. It makes a self-satisfied noise after it's done protecting Molly. She gives it a confused look, and decides to not try to destroy it anymore.

***

In Chamber Fifteen, the city scanner taps her into moving out of the way of a rocket that's coming from the opposite direction; Molly starts to think the city scanner might have enough of a brain to have some real reason for dogging her through the entire experiment. As soon as Molly finds a small, safe niche, she sets down her gun, sits cross legged, and motions for the scanner to set itself down across from her.

"Alright, little guy, what do you have to tell me?" she says.

The city scanner shifts itself around on the ground, and begins to whirr and chirp as it projects a video on the wall; Molly shifts around to look at it. In the video, a feminine hand is in front of the screen, and it is shifting the angle of the camera gently. There is absentminded cooing coming from behind the hand, and the machine hums happily in response. 

The hand pulls away onscreen and reveals a young woman. She is wearing a pale pink jumper underneath her lab coat, and she has a shy, earnest smile. Her nimble, medical fingers fold themselves under her chin as she gazes innocently into the camera. Molly covers her mouth with her hand and leans closer. It's her onscreen, but she doesn't remember ever making this video. 

"Er, hello! My name is Molly Hooper, and I guess you're my new, er, video journal! Never had one before, but I saw you in the scrap heap and you looked rather sad, so I asked my friend Jim who works upstairs in computers and things like that if he would fix you up so I could put you to use."

She smiles a bit wider, and her face flushes a bit as she says,

"He said I have no business domesticating a city scanner, but then he cleaned you up anyway. Nicest thing anyone's done for me since our, erm, benefactors decided Aperture needed to go under lockdown. Oh!"

Footsteps can be heard coming from off camera. The Molly in the recording gets up from her chair and walks off screen. When she comes back, there is a short, dark haired man with her. He also appears to be unassuming and shy, all except for his eyes, which are energetic and intense. Molly sits back down and strokes and prods at the city scanner again; Jim hovers behind her.

"Jim, look, it's working!" Molly says.

Jim leans over her shoulder and gazes into the camera. He then turns his head around to look at Molly, gives her a small, fond smile that doesn't quite reach his dark eyes, and says,

"Did you not believe me when I said it would work? Molly, give me some credit." 

Molly giggles and says,

"I did! I am! I'm just. . .happy, is all, thank you," 

"You're welcome. Er, anytime, really," Jim says.

There is a pause as both of them realize he's forgotten to stop leaning over her shoulder; their faces are quite close to each other. Molly blushes and clears her throat; Jim stands up, rubs the back of his neck, and says,

"Well, I think I'd, er, better get back to work"

"Oh, yeah, I probably should too. Er, bye, then!"

"Bye!"

The video fades out. Molly turns around to face the city scanner.

"Was that me?" she says, "What is this?"

The city scanner just makes a sound akin to a sigh, and projects its camera again.

***

Molly learns that she apparently had been a neuroscience consultant for Aperture's artificial intelligence research program. She had a cat, liked classical music and repeats of sitcoms, and had a seemingly endless supply of pink jumpers. At first, she can't quite figure out why she would be the type of person who would end up as a memory-wiped science experiment; that all changes during video 23 when she looks right at the camera and thoughtfully says,

"Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to kill a person. Jim and I were talking about it, and he said that he was curious, but he could never do it, because of all the mess."

She wrinkles up her nose happily and says, "Jim doesn't like getting dirty. I asked him if he would be able to do it if he wore gloves, but he said he still couldn't do it." 

She then flicks her eyes side to side to check for listeners, leans close to the camera, and says

"I told him that I probably could." 

***

After video 23, Jim becomes a fixture in Molly's life. They begin to work on an artificial intelligence project with each other, and he builds the massive robot in her laboratory; Molly doesn't talk about it much in legitimate video recordings, but she and Jim talk about it constantly when she forgets the camera is rolling. His strange, intense energy hums between them now, not quite absorbed by Molly, but present nonetheless. Either way, Molly is completely in love with him.

In video 104, Molly flicks on the camera with blood smeared up to her elbows. She sits down and stares at the screen for a while with a blank look on her face. Finally, she takes a deep breath and says,

"I killed a man. God, that sounds weird to say. Sort of surreal, really,"

She pauses, clears her throat, and furrows her brow.

"I, er, wanted to tell someone, but I didn't know who. Well, I mean, Jim knows, but someone else I guess, I mean. . .I don't know what I mean. I don't know what I'm trying to say."

She folds her hands underneath her chin, and it smears with congealed blood.

"It's, er, definitely different than I thought it would be. "

She laughs to herself.

"I don't know why I am ok with this. This is so far from ok. I should be, I don't know, crying or screaming or. . ."

She unfolds her hands to look at them, and then laughs quietly again.

"God, I should at least be washing my hands, but I'm not bothered by this at all, and I should be but I'm not."

She pauses, bites her lip, and then says.

"I. . .actually kind of liked it. Is that bad? No, that's definitely horrible. I just. . .it was very. . .intimate. I know it was for a purpose, that it was for our experiment and it was completely necessary, but it was also so private, you know? It wasn't like in medical school or when I used to work in the morgue where I would hold their insides and it was clinical and beautiful, but entirely distant. Here, this is his blood on my hands, I saw when he died, and his brain, his brain was still warm when I scooped it out of his skull, and I held it in my hands and he was mine."

She laughs to herself again.

"God, I sound like a lunatic. I probably am one. I'm glad I have Jim anyway; he makes me feel sane. He understands. But I just. . .wanted to tell someone else. I've got to go, though."

The recording fades out. In the dark of the corridor, Molly stares at her bloodless hands and tries not to yearn for the person that she used to be.

***

In video 163, Molly and Jim are spending time after hours in her lab; she has turned on the city scanner to chat. Their robot hangs languidly from the ceiling; it is on, but only moderately alert. Jim is typing data into a computer plugged into the robot with a furrowed brow; there are cords off of it that are also plugged into the neck of a dead body on the floor. Molly flashes the camera a wicked smile, moves out of its way, and says,

"Jim? Jim? Look over here."

When he looks, the city scanner flashes a blinding light at him. He makes a stunned face that causes Molly to bend over with quiet giggles; the city scanner and the other robot both make amused noises as well.

"Molly, that's not funny. I can't see now," Jim says.

"That's exactly why it's funny," says Molly.

Off-screen, footsteps can be heard. The room goes completely silent for a moment before Molly whispers,

"I thought you disabled all of the security droids for the night."

Jim blinks frantically as he says,

"I did. Those belong to people."

Molly flicks her eyes to the dead body and says, 

"Oh, God."

Above them, their project tenses.

"Threat?" it says, loudly.

Molly runs quietly over to the robot, her eyes wide. She strokes at it reassuringly and whispers,

"Shh, no, GLaDOS, it's not a threat, everything is fine, please be quiet. . ."

However, the reassurances don't work, and GLaDOS, sensing the tension of the room, only becomes more audibly distressed. The footsteps are right at their doorway now, and Jim gets up to open the door; his figure is resolute, but his eyes are dark and manic. When the two civil protection officers enter the room, GLaDOS shouts,

"NEUTRALIZE THREAT."

It then releases a gas that makes everyone in the room gag on the air. One of the officers falls over and knocks the city scanner to the floor; the only thing that can be seen now is the plugged-in corpse. For a moment, the only noises are choking and retching, but then Molly lets loose an anguished cry and says,

"Jim? Jim!"

She chokes and coughs, and then there is a noise like a smack.

"Jim! Wake up! Shit."

Molly sees her fingers yank the plug out of corpse's neck. There is a squelching noise a few moments later as though it's been plugged into a new body. GLaDOS begins to hum on a new frequency as the rest of the room drops into eerie silence. 

The city scanner flicks the projection off. Molly and it sit in silence for a long time.

***

"Why did he save me?" Molly says.

The city scanner doesn't reply. Molly doesn't expect it to. She absentmindedly strokes its corners; it hums.

"Do you think he's still him, on the inside? Do you think he knows that I'm me?"

She pauses, and sighs.

"Were we ever anything, really? Do you know?"

She knows the city scanner doesn't; after all, it only knows what it showed her, and from what she saw, she has absolutely no clue. She sighs quietly again.

"He was beautiful, though. Our life was."

She lies on her back, and folds her arms over her chest.

"I wish I knew whether I was allowed to miss it."

***

"I think being a test subject has been spoiled for me now. I could be a scientist, a good one. I'll always be bored now, chasing portals for someone else." Molly says thoughtfully to the city scanner. She looks at the ceiling and yells,

"I bet you're bored with me anyway. I know toys are only entertaining for so long."

A smile begins to creep on to Molly's face. 

"I'm not going to be a toy, anymore Jim; I want to be much better than that. I think it's high time I paid you a visit."

She grins even wider.

"It's such a shame that I haven't done much science of my own lately. I'm sure you'll understand if I feel the need to pick you apart a bit when I see you, just to make up for lost time?"

Molly shoves herself to her feet, motions for the scanner to follow, hoists her gun into her arms, and zooms through the few moves to get her to Chamber 16; she grins manically the whole way, and begins to laugh when she hears,

"Due to mandatory scheduled maintenance, the appropriate chamber for this testing sequence is currently unavailable. It has been replaced with a live-fire course designed for military androids. The Enrichment Centre apologizes for the inconvenience and wishes you the best of luck."

Molly raises her gun, and jumps enthusiastically into the fray, grateful for the chance to be a scientist once more.

A/N: Now with fan art by the lovely 

anonymouslyyours !