Jun. 6th, 2015 10:50 am
biohazardgirl: (Default)
Good morning, dreamwidth. More accurately, tired morning. I went out to Denny's and drank coffee until midnight and then stayed up until 6am and woke up at 10 am. I was like

Anyway I had a really fucked up dream, man. I dreamed I was on this ride at Marvel theme park where the only thing that went over your legs was like a blanket and then when the ride started it turned out that it was a roller coaster that went upside down. A young girl fell out of it and got really hurt. They rushed her to the medical place which I guess was nearby and you could hear her screaming and crying - it was so loud. I felt really useless because I didn't know how to help her when she was in so much pain and shame because her screams and the thought of her dying frightened me. It was so vivid and seemed so real.

The night before last night I had a recurring dream where I randomly run into an ex boyfriend at a party who treated me really poorly back in high school and it turns out that we've both grown and changed now that we're older and we were able to be friends. We both admitted that our mistakes were the mistakes of children and that we were too old to repeat them. I always wake up from those dreams a little sad because it is not real, even though it isn't what I want anyway. 

In other news last night I saw someone on the tumble (because I was browsing Hawkeye blogs at four am) talking about Clint pre-Fraction like he 'got away with everything by mansplaining' and I'm so done with the internet I swear to god. Clint often runs away from things out of a stupid need for excessive independence and sometimes he does try to take the easier way out if he thinks the situation is hopeless and sometimes his very obvious mental illness causes him to attempt to isolate himself but people not letting him get away with those things isn't people not letting him 'mansplain' out of situations. It's the very real frustration that people have towards mentally ill people who aren't getting better. I think I would rant more about this but I found a really nice article that explains my feelings about Fraction's Clint way better than I could have done. He also pointed some things out to me that I hadn't noticed before.


I find it interesting too that Clint IS drinking more at this point and actually Barney is as well. Their father was an alcoholic (and is one of the main things we know about him) and so it's both sad and makes sense for these characters to fall back on alcohol when they're in a bad way.

I think I wanna reread Fraction's Hawkeye again after reading a few more comics (related or unrelated) because the first time I loved it, the second time I wasn't sure how I felt about some parts, and the third time I think I'll really get to dig into it and look at the art and pick up things I missed. 

In other news I went up from 199.7 to 200.4 today :P I went over my calorie limit yesterday because my family ate at olive garden and my food app lied to me about the number of calories in something. I went to olive garden's website later and it gave me the true calorie count and then I was really pissed off. I need to go exercising today and eat less...losing weight is really frustrating and my mom says she is 'on a diet' but she keeps enabling me to make unhealthy choices because there was nothing in the house to eat and she was stress eating.


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