spilledsoul posted in fandom_wank.
In which streets_ahead isn’t very happy about the Kickpuncher reboot
Reposted after editing from wank_report.
Our favorite tiny yet endlessly wanky fandom strikes again! While usually the Kickpuncher-ites are whining about shipping (re:Punchkicker/Kickpuncher Will Never be Canon and the infamous Sally Looks Like a Man wank) or for reasons that we’re still not quite sure of (re:The First and Last Fic Fest thetoddproblem Ever Participated In), this time the wankers and wankettes had fresh material to sink their teeth into: the Kickpuncher reboot announced for 2014. If you think this sounds like a great thing for the fandom well, then you’ve never met the Kickpuncher peeps.
(more under the cut)
The instigator of the wank this time (and many other times, see above and also here and here) is none other than streets_ahead. streets_ahead only formed a livejournal account and joined the Kickpuncher comm two years ago, but since he joined their comm it has been overrun with wank. He’s been very vocal in the past about disliking all of the Kickpuncher sequels and its short-lived tv show, so when this announcement happens, many individual members of the community brace themselves for the oncoming storm.
Shortly after the announcement is made about the upcoming film and its new cast, t_bone, a new member and up-and-coming popular fanfiction author with no prior knowledge of streets_ahead’s wanktastic ways starts a thread on the main comm about how excited he is for the reboot/the new fans it will bring and then leaves after responding to a few other nice and similarly enthusiastic comments.
Shortly after he leaves, the internet explodes.
streets_ahead rips into t_bone’s post, highlights of which include:
“you wouldn’t know what made a b-movie good if it bit you on the ass.”
“its blindly enthusiastic fans like you that have caused the kickpuncher franchise to sell out ever since the first movie was made”
“The updated reboot will be a de-toothed and declawed version emptied of all value by hollywood assholes who will try to make it actually good instead of good because it is bad and they will fail.”
“i bet you’re only excited because you write slash fanfiction and the new actors are famous and handsome. WELL YOU AND YOUR STORIES CAN SUCK IT. SALLY/KICKPUNCHER FOREVER. although this new sally is fat too so ugh i just don’t even know what to say anymore.”
The comm’s mod, deandong, immediately tries to do damage control, saying,
“Now, really, let’s all be nice to each other.”
This attempt is about as successful as you’d expect. Shortly after streets_ahead posts, oneeyedcat, also known as fuckthepatriarchy9 on tumblr, double posts a rant on the thread as well as on tumblr about everything ‘deeply wrong’ with streets_ahead’s post. She tags the post on tumblr as “misogyny”, “homophobia”, and “animal cruelty”, intending (and succeeding) to make as much noise as possible. The comment on LJ as well as her tumblr post has since been deleted, but screenshots can be found here.
While tumblr explodes with social justice wank, many anon members of the comm simply respond to her comment with popcorn.gif. They are not disappointed.
It doesn’t take long for more vocal members of the comm to join in on the fun. princess_annie and yellowloner, two other prominent writers, each write a manifesto in defense of writing slash and post it in response to oneeyedcat’s comment. However, each of them also says that they find her tangentially related complaints about animal cruelty in regard to the original thread to be a little silly. In response to their comments oneeyedcat thanks them for the support but says she is saddened by the fact that her complaints about animal cruelty aren’t being treated with the seriousness that she thinks the topic deserves. The comm collectively ignores this statement. In response to being ignored, oneeyedcat posts a second (now fully capslocked) rant complaining about the rampant ‘species-ism’ in the thread, highlights of which include,
“JUST BECAUSE YOU’RE HUMAN DOESN’T MEAN YOU’RE BETTER THAN ANYONE ELSE. “
“THE FACT THAT ‘DETOOTHED’ AND ‘DECLAWED’ ARE EVEN WORDS YOU ALL CAN BLINK AN EYE AT WITHOUT BEING SUPREMELY DISGUSTED AT THE INDIGNITIES FACED BY MILLIONS OF CATS WORLDWIDE DISGUSTS ME.”
As you can imagine, dear readers, the comm does not take this lying down. Many members of the comm object to issues such as sexism and homophobia being given the same amount of importance as declawing a cat.
princess_annie scathingly remarks that many people would rather have their own fingernails ripped out in exchange for not having to come out of the closet.
oneeyedcat tries to backpedal, but gives up very quickly after it proves to be ineffective.
Meanwhile on her personal journal, brownieluvr17 posts about how she dislikes both slash and remakes. oneeyedcat is friends with brownieluvr17 and, apparently still riled and defensive about being called insensitive, she hijacks the comment section of the post to. . .call brownieluvr17 insensitive. brownieluvr17 is also friends with streets_ahead and, never one to pass up a good argument, he too hijacks the comment section for his own personal gain. Shortly after he joins in, brownieluvr17 closes the comments on her entry and goes back over to the comm to give both of them a piece of her mind.
“Both of you are damn fools for thinking this argument is important at all and you are acting like children.”
“Poor t_bone defies the lord by writing slash and he has terrible taste but that doesn’t mean you should attack him.”
In response. . .several anons attack her about religion which goes over about as well as you’d think.
deandong, officially in over his head, leaves a comment on winging_it’s latest journal entry begging for help. While not officially a mod of the comm (claiming it would be too much responsibility for something he cared about very little), he is well known and respected in the community for being both a good writer and for being good at getting everyone to stop fighting and go back to writing porn.
Which is exactly what he tells everyone to go do, plus or minus a threat to have them banned if they don’t can it.
He then forms an “apology thread” on the main page, which is exactly what it sounds like. Surprisingly, everyone responds enthusiastically and the community dies down. . .for now.
life_in_technicolor, the biggest name in the Kickpuncher fandom, has not commented at all, but his Switzerland status in the fandom is well documented. We’ll keep our ears out and keep you posted.
Transcript of LJ Messages for t_bone
Subject: INTERNET EXPLOSION Dx
hey, thanks for not comenting back there :D idk if you were busy or what but it seemed like the whole comm was mad about something i was doing and it was kinda nice to feel like i had someone on my side.
I keep forgetting how new you are. I’m a pretty neutral observer and I don’t normally comment on that sort of thing. I just like to watch as people go at it. If you stick around in fandom long enough and you don’t like actually stirring the pot you’ll learn to enjoy watching people on the internet fight. It’s almost as good as tv.
They even have two comms dedicated it:
But also I’m on your side and you’re welcome.
Are you participating in that November comm fest? I could beta your fic if you wanted and art alongside it so you could have some pictures to go with it when you repost to your account after the fest is over.
:D :D :D
thanks for the linkege. so glad im not alone! and now that I know im not this is actually kinda funny. were so tiny but we made the front page! A lot! wow Kickpuncher fans are like the termites of the internet.
i feel kind of proud of us is that weird?
next time though im arguing back t_bone style. i have a few tricks up my sleeve that im sure will definitely get them. kinda mad that i was away while all the excitement happened but looking at fandom wank pretty sure it will happen again soon. man who put a stick up streets_ahead’s butt?
yeah i was thinking about doing the fest! it would be awesome of you to beta for me again, my grammar is terrible.
art for me? sweet! man if i celebrated birthdays it would sure feel like mine.
If people weren’t proud of the noise they made, they wouldn’t keep fighting on the internet, so I’d say no, that’s not weird.
I’d suggest coming up with comebacks other than comparing people directly to Hitler if you plan to fight. That might work on other comms but winging_it threatened to get deandong to ban anyone who used it after it became ineffective when he wanted to use it himself.
streets_ahead and oneyedcat just like being angry. By this point it’s kind of their duty to the fandom to start as much wank as possible.
Cool I’m excited to get started on that then. If you want to bounce ideas off of anyone just pm me when you get your assignment. Also if you keep writing that WIP you can still send that to me. November around here is usually pretty quiet so I’ll have extra time to work on your stuff.
Are you a Jehovah’s Witness? I have a roommate who doesn’t celebrate birthdays either and he is. But I also didn’t think Jehovah’s Witnesses wrote slash.
lol’ing you are so right, man.
winging_it is weird. i can’t not pay attention to what he says when he posts. i think he has voodoo typing powers or something.
ok can do i get my assignment friday so ill let you know then.
i am a jehovah’s witness. . .who writes slash. its complicated :P
dammit hitler was always my backup on reddit. guess ill have to figure out something else.
your friend sounds nice. you talk about him a lot. tell him i say hello from the internet!
. . .my own roommate just said hello to me ten seconds after i sent that message. whoa that was weird.
. . .Troy?
. . .abed?